Damaged (revisited)

Christine Ray – Who gets to define brokenness?

Brave & Reckless

I sit with myself

in uncomfortable silence

suppressed screams

ringing in my ears

tears running down my face

again

All my demons

all my insecurities

have come out to play today

mocking me with laughter

taunting voices

sing-song in my head

Shit mother

Shit wife

Shit niece

Shit cousin

Shit friend

Shit human being

over and over

an endless loop

of recrimination

on days like this

I can’t even remember who

I am anymore

I don’t know

what is mine to claim

I am no one

I am pain

I read an essay right before Christmas

calling for compassion

for those “poor unfortunate souls”

who are depressed over the holidays

who engage in self-harm

who contemplate suicide

the author referred to them as “damaged”

my hackles went up

“Only I get to call me damaged, lady,”

I wanted to angrily respond

only I get to define the frantic dance

my neural…

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