A precise and vivid description
Happiness is a wild animal
that I only glimpse for seconds at a time
before it bolts for its own well-being.
When the fox and the wolf and the roe
actually approach and lie down
in the dark forest next to me,
I am so profoundly grateful
for their fragile trust
and desire for my company
that it crushes my heart
into a fine powder and
I can only wrack in agony.
I freeze. Can’t even breathe.
For fear that they will realize
the poison of my mercury
and lose all faith in me.
This is what it’s like to live with
Complex Trauma Disorder.
Photograph by Katerina Plotnikova, link below.