EMJE – Once Quixotic. always Quixotic?
ever since i realized i no longer identify as an invisible exhibitionist
i have wondered what else about me has changed
like
am i still quixotic?
a quick search reports quixotic as meaning: extremely idealistic; unrealistic and impractical.
i always tell people it means “delusionally hopeful”
i even gave my fourth son
who came into my life by accident, not planning
the middle name “quixotic”
because i thought “serendipitous” would be too obvious
going through with a fourth pregnancy when dirt poor
in an abusive relationship
& struggling with motherhood,
felt hopeful in a delusional way….
& i guess unrealistic & impractical…
but is that bad? it sounds bad
maybe i should re-think my quixotic ways?
hmmm
i thought about changing the name of this website/blog to something less quixotic
but i am pretty sure
that even on my deathbed
i will be dreaming of ways to really fuck those…
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